love

i miss being in love. i miss having a companion. i miss the feeling that you get, looking into the eyes of the one you love. a feeling you cannot get from anything else. i am so blessed to have the most amazing friends and family. my life is full of love. but when i sit alone i feel like something is missing. im at a point in my life where being in a relationship isnt the best thing for me, but i will not lie or pretend that i dont miss it, that i dont want it. watching other couples is heart breaking. seeing the love they share for one another, sharing it in a slight brush of the hand or a light touch on the back, a stolen glance in a room full of people. i really miss that. and it hits me from out of nowhere. i can spend a whole weekend surrounded by friends, having amazing times, but the moment i am alone, the moment the car door shuts and the last friend gets out of my car, it hits me. i want to drive home to my loved one and tell them all about my great weekend. better yet i want to share that great weekend with them. i want someone to get me, to be with me, to love me, in a way that no one else does. when i feel like this i worry about my future, not about having love in the future, but not feeling this lack of love in the future. i want to move abroad. i want to quit my life here and take it on the road. take my life, my love, my memories on the road. but will i still feel this void? this deep dark void that hides itself so well amongst the love of the ones in my life. the last thing i want is to be stitting on a train riding from barcelona back home to rome and feel like something is missing. will it always feel like something is missing until i find that love?? because to think about looking for that love feels that a task to overwhemling to comprehend. i am in shape to look for love. and in a way i would be ok without that 'great' love. to just share my time with someone that i care about and that cares about me - that would be ok too. and most ideal at this time in my life. this lonliness creeps in without warning and just takes my breathe away. i check my phone a hundred time to see who might love me enough to call or text, as if that is the deciding factor on how full my life is. i feel this is a struggle i will always have. and honestly i feel it the most after i have spent the most amount of time with people. highest highs and lowest lows. that is the cycle i feel i follow more then i would like to. and i guess that is what i would like to conquer. but as i have been told before. we all feel this way. at some point in our lives, our days, our hours and minutes, seconds we all feel alone. and so why should i be any different?